Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
