How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
bring money and cleavage
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
