she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.