Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
