god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card