I have demons in me.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
