2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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