i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Oh, makes sense.