glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
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i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
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Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.