Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
