Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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