I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
