dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
