Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
