You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
