i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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