It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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