what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
