I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
