What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
i want to swaddle you in tequila
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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