Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
