I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
