i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Randomize
