I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
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