just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
