If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
