Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
So here I am, sexting at work.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
