i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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