Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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