he puts the penis in happiness.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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