I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
