hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
