I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
