I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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