i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
