I'm really into asian looking animals
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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