I can't watch pbs sober anymore
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
