...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Randomize
