Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Randomize
