My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Randomize