My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
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