She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
