ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Hippo gnu deer
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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