This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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