I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
