hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
whose parrot is this?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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