Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Randomize
