she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
