I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
