it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
