We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
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And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
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Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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