The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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