I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I think people are normalizing furries
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
