girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
