Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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