i think my mom watched the whole time
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
We have started to decorate penises.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
