Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Randomize
