did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
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Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
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What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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