I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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