So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
