I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
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you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
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Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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