I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
