We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
