Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i was born a porn star she said
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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