You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
