You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
