just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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