i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
