saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
