please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
