Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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