I feel like abortions should bother me more
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
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