I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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