Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I'm both gender and math confused
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
