i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
