Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
